Regret

I am lost in present as I lost past. Tried to maintain a fiery pursuit of a phantom joy. Tried to give birth to a brand new reality, tried to make it flourish, tried to make it strengthened. In vain. My core knew my veiled intention to flee. My mind had met my miserable despair for seeing her grace staying backwards, backwards...for I was stupid. If only could I see the road ahead, sloppily treated, which I myself frantically ran through, despite of all unexpected bumps and all undesired jumps and all predictable surprises, I would have detained myself, seated on the rocky floor beneath my worn-out heels and cried until I had found a fulfilling answer. I can't, despite of my gargantuan will, my gigantic will, my spared will. I was spared from the choice. During my stay at the ubiquitous crossroad, you chose my path. You led the way, and I have followed, blind, deaf and dumb. Nothing have I said. No words have I endeavored to stammer. I endured my voyage, yet so, with a soaring stare. With the conviction of a well-planned suicide. With the determination of a death condemnation. My damnation, my hell-diving adventurous journey, my mischievous, hopeless, infantile idea. May the moment in which I chose to hear the words you haven't pronounced be damned. May this love be damned. May this obsession be damned. Don't come to me ever again, here is my ultimate acknowledgement. All I want, prior to my final happiness, is the complete accomplishment of my insane desire for self-anihilation.